Relationships are like plants; if you don’t look after them, they die. You need to water and nurture relationships for them to flourish and grow! Probably most people accept or agree with this idea, but… What about sex? Do we need to nurture sex? In the few occasions when it is appropiate to talk about sex freely, not everyone seems to agree on this idea.
Sex flows when we give our attention and time to it, that is why today I am here to talk about the spontaneity myth, and the erotic blueprint or in other words, about sex… Let’s open wide!
How can we differentiate an intimate relationship from any other friendship? Exploring intimacy!
An essential aspect of intimacy in couples is sexual interaction. In fact, sex is the only thing you cannot get from any other friendship! However, if you are lacking in other aspects of your life you might be able to find someone else to fulfil those aspects with. For instance, if you love films and your couple doesn’t, you can find a group of friends to organise film marathons! However, what would happen if your couple would tell you that she/he does not enjoy sex? How long would the life of your intimate relationship last?
Sex matters, and making it taboo only complicates the matter.
The sexual education that most people receive is limited, or non-existent. Not long ago I discovered the work of Jaiya (Who I will introduce in a second) and since then, I have been asking the same question to all kinds of different people around me: ‘How was the sexual education you received in your childhood?’ Apart from the astonished reaction to the question, none of the answers were beyond stork stories.
Taboo is still present in one way or another! Even I caught myself following this taboo; When I was thinking of sharing Jaiya’s work on satisfACTION, two questions came very quickly to my mind: ‘My cousins often read me, aren’t they too young?’, and the second one ‘My grandma reads me, wouldn’t it be too much for her?’ Too much?
How can something that has so many benefits be perceived as something negative?
Here on SatisfACTION, we are allowed to talk about sex freely! It is necessary that we get confident talking about this topic naturally in order to get to know ourselves and take our intimate relationships to the next level. Something that without doubt, can bring so much satisfaction to our lives… It is time to get in charge and assume our responsibility!
The Spontaneity Myth
As Tony Robbins says, Respons-ability is the ability to respond. In order to respond in sex and to get the best out of each encounter, we need to assume responsibility. To assume responsibility in sex means to stop waiting until you naturally get turned on; it means to stop leaving sex in spontaneity’s hands.
‘Sex has to happen spontaneously, one must wait until getting turned on naturally’ Really? Lately, I have been reading the work of different sexologists (I think their work is fascinating!) and all of them agree on the same idea:
If you want to have an active sexual life, you need to prioritise sex in your life. Book a time for it on your calendar as you would book an appointment or coffee meeting. As with any practice, the more time and energy you put on this activity, the more it flows.
That is why I am going to introduce you to Jaiya and her amazing discovery: The Erotic Blueprint! I am sure after discovering this you won’t have enough hours in your day to explore!
The 5 Erotic Blueprints
Jaiya is a somatic sexologist recognised internationally and the creator of the Erotic Blueprint. According to her, the key to having successful sexual relationships is to get to know yourself first (As always and with anything, this is the first step!). After realising that 63% of people don’t get to meet their sexual needs due to lack of sexual education, Jaiya decided to change statistics and discovered that there were different sexual languages.
Not everyone gets turned on by the same thing. What excites you? What do you enjoy most? There are lots of sexual relationships which die merely as a consequence of a lack of understanding of these sexual languages. If two members of a couple speak different sexual languages they will find it difficult to share moments of satisfaction. Jaiya invites you to discover the 5 Erotic Blueprints, with its shadows and lights, which will transform your life forever. Do you want to discover them? From here on, observe what you identify with most. (The following content is paraphrased from Jaiya’s work):
# Blueprint 1: Energetic
- You are sensitive and intuitive
- You can orgasm without even being touched
- You value love and emotional connection
- You can short circuit if touch isn’t timed right
- You may not be able to concentrate on pleasure, if something seems off with a partner
- You can get hierarchical – “my way is better or more enlightened than yours”
# Blueprint 2: Sensual
- When you’re in your body (rather than in your head!) you have intense body awareness
- You appreciate and value the sensual atmosphere of a space (how an environment looks, smells, sounds, feels) and you are good at creating these spaces
- Orgasm doesn’t necessarily drive your sexuality, you love the ride (Massage, cuddling, foreplay or through the 5 senses: eating, smelling..)
- You have a hard time getting out of your head and into your body. (Anxiety, pressure…)
- You may be incredibly picky and easily thrown off – if the touch is too hard or too soft or the room’s a mess, you just can’t drop in.
- Orgasm may seem elusive, almost there and then it goes away again
# Blueprint 3: Sexual
- You love sex, orgasms and genitals
- You can go from zero to sixty very quickly
- Sex is your way to relax and relieve stress
- You can get too focused on the end goal and therefore miss the journey
- Sometimes you can be self-focused and ignore what your lover wants or needs
- Usually, you have a limited definition of what sex is. Sex = intercourse
# Blueprint 4: Kinky
- You are creative. When shame is absent, you are very good at sexual communication
- You’re easy to turn on when the right buttons are pushed
- Taboo and edge play are erotically arousing for you
- A specific fantasy or fetish can become your only route to turn-on
- You may hide your Kinky desires and have deep shame
# Blueprint 5: Shapeshifter
- You’re fluent in all of the blueprint types
- You can be an extraordinary lover because you are multilingual
- Never boring, due to endless play and creative pleasure
- You may never find your own sexuality because you are always shifting to please someone else
- Because you are always pleasing your lover, you could be sexually starved
- And unfortunately, you could have the shadow of every type.
With which of the 5 blueprints do you identify more with? If you have a partner, are you able to identify which blueprint drives her/him most? This is a key tool, because as soon as you become aware of your predominant blueprints, you can learn new languages, you can heal your shadows and turn on your lights. And this way you can expand your sexual experience, and satisfy your partner’s needs!
Here you can find out your type through: The Erotic Blueprint Official test My predominant type is sensual and becoming aware of that has been such a discovery for my life!
Since I decided to book a time for sex in my calendar (consciously), and I started to explore with the Erotic Blueprint, my sexual life has gone up to the roof, so I can only invite you to do the same! Would you like to know yourself?
If you have a couple you can share this article with them and encourage them to take the test! The tool is more powerful when both sides are aware of it!
What is your predominant blueprint?
Tell me in the comments!
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Lots of love, sex y satisfaction.